Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield
One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now
Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like
Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose
What we had, oh no
Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
*lyrics from Battlefield by Jordin Sparks
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Conclusion of Much Thinking
I only want two things out of my potential husband.
1. Make me happy
2. Provide security
1. Make me happy
2. Provide security
Friday, July 24, 2009
Heartbreak
Last night I had to do one of the most difficult things of my life. I had to let my boyfriend of 11 1/2 months go.
It had gotten to the point that neither of us were in it if it wasn't going to last in the long run (marriage, kids).
And there was some fundamental differences.
Basically I am more conservative, he was more libral..... in almost every way possible we were spilt on issues like religion, schooling, and we just bickered a lot on little things.
He is a very mature guy, a very opionated guy, and I there were times when I would just get exhausted of him because everything needed to be backed and supported. He was wound so tight, he couldn't let loose.... even just to dance. If he didn't know how to do something he didn't do it and that was the end of it. I want someone who loves to try new things.
Having been through heartbreak, cutting it off was so hard cause I understand the pain I caused him.
Words cannot express how sorry I am.
I think we both can find people better suited for us.
I will miss you so much.
I hope you realized I was bawling last night too...
I didn't forsee this happening, I really never meant to hurt you.
Please find it in your heart to forgive me somehow,
I never meant to hurt you.
It had gotten to the point that neither of us were in it if it wasn't going to last in the long run (marriage, kids).
And there was some fundamental differences.
Basically I am more conservative, he was more libral..... in almost every way possible we were spilt on issues like religion, schooling, and we just bickered a lot on little things.
He is a very mature guy, a very opionated guy, and I there were times when I would just get exhausted of him because everything needed to be backed and supported. He was wound so tight, he couldn't let loose.... even just to dance. If he didn't know how to do something he didn't do it and that was the end of it. I want someone who loves to try new things.
Having been through heartbreak, cutting it off was so hard cause I understand the pain I caused him.
Words cannot express how sorry I am.
I think we both can find people better suited for us.
I will miss you so much.
I hope you realized I was bawling last night too...
I didn't forsee this happening, I really never meant to hurt you.
Please find it in your heart to forgive me somehow,
I never meant to hurt you.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
BBB
I have recently gotten a job at Bed Bath and Beyond!! The past few days I have been going through intense training that makes me feel like I'm at exam time during school. After 3 days, I passed all 5 tests, 4 of which were written. To pass you need a 95% or greater. The 5th exam was where you cashier for them and they try to sneak things past you. I didn't catch the pillow, but I found things in the garabage can. I'm really excited to actually start working! Once I get everything down it'll be a lot of fun! At least that one thing in my life that is going well... I have a job I like. I like the people, I like the job, I can't wait to start working!
"Thank you for calling Green Bay's Bed Bath and Beyond. My name is Amanda. How can I direct your call?" :-D
[el-uh-fuhnt]
After we went camping I went back to Indiana with Jamie. Friday night we went over to Sam's (jamies good friend) place cause 5 weeks ago her dog had 7 puppies! They were sooooooooooo adorable! Saturday we went to Merrillville IN to find Jamie's mom a birthday present, she was turning 50. We ended up getting her "magic pills" that kept her 49 another year and a inflatable comodo as gag gifts! Jamie's aunt and and uncle came and we went to eat at Red Lobster. I love there cheddar biscuts!
His mom and aunt and uncle went clubbing after supper, and we went to Freds (Sam's boyfriends) house and we blew up $2,000 worth of fireworks. It was so fun!
On Sunday Jamie, Ms. Bradley, and I went to the Brookfield Zoo. I GOT TO SEE MY FIRST ELEPHANT!!!!!!! She was so pretty! :-D I was so exited. It was awesome! I also got to see my first polar bear, who had larger than life paws... he was pretty too!
My 6 days with jamie went well, and it's going to be a while before I get that amount of time with him again. :-( I guess I'll just have to be like an elephant and never forget it.
Camping in Potawatomni
So, Jamie came up Tuesday night last week, and we left Wednesday morning for the 45 minute drive up north to Door County. We went to Potawatomni State Park, and it was really cheap just for one night. After switching campsites so we could get set up, my sister Alicia and her boyfriend came up as well. After we got all the tents and everything set up we went on a bike ride. Jamie and I only went half way around the loop (7 miles total) cause of his asthma. We went to the park and hung out there. For dinner we built a fire and made pizza and cherry pudgy pies! YUM! We also had hot dogs, it was a feast!
We slept in the tent, and the next day jamie and I took a ride to the tower, where we add our initials to the hundreds of others on the top of the 70 year old tower. It was a beautiful view. We also went by the docks which was pretty cause the water was so clear. I love camping and can't wait to go again! Hopefully next time for more than just 1 night!
Below is our initials, our campsite, and the ride behind our campsite.
We slept in the tent, and the next day jamie and I took a ride to the tower, where we add our initials to the hundreds of others on the top of the 70 year old tower. It was a beautiful view. We also went by the docks which was pretty cause the water was so clear. I love camping and can't wait to go again! Hopefully next time for more than just 1 night!
Below is our initials, our campsite, and the ride behind our campsite.
The Official Change
July 21, 2009
To Whom It May Concern:
Due to financial circumstances I, Amanda Mae Gaura, will not be returning to Roosevelt University's Chicago College of Performing Arts in the fall semester of 2009. Though unlikely, if my financial situation were to change in the future I would love the opportunity to return and finish my education at the CCPA. I want to thank you for the great opportunity you have given me the past two years. I truly cherish everything I have learned during my time at the CCPA.
Respectfully,
Amanda Gaura
*I will not be returning to the CCPA. With tuition going up it is just financially impossible. This decision was extremely hard. I will be finishing out at University of Wisconsin Green Bay, living at home. I'm having a hard time with everything, this is not what I want at all. If I could come back I would. If I happen to win the l lottery I will be back in Chicago in a heartbeat. I will be down to visit often. Thank you all for all the amazing memories you have given me in my two years in chicago. I will never forget you.
To Whom It May Concern:
Due to financial circumstances I, Amanda Mae Gaura, will not be returning to Roosevelt University's Chicago College of Performing Arts in the fall semester of 2009. Though unlikely, if my financial situation were to change in the future I would love the opportunity to return and finish my education at the CCPA. I want to thank you for the great opportunity you have given me the past two years. I truly cherish everything I have learned during my time at the CCPA.
Respectfully,
Amanda Gaura
*I will not be returning to the CCPA. With tuition going up it is just financially impossible. This decision was extremely hard. I will be finishing out at University of Wisconsin Green Bay, living at home. I'm having a hard time with everything, this is not what I want at all. If I could come back I would. If I happen to win the l lottery I will be back in Chicago in a heartbeat. I will be down to visit often. Thank you all for all the amazing memories you have given me in my two years in chicago. I will never forget you.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Minnesohta
This past weekend I took a road trip with my two good friends from high school, Liz and Erin, to visit our friend Allie. Allie goes to St. Thomas in St. Paul and is staying there this summer.
We left Friday at 3:45 and arrived there at about 9 ish. On the way there a few funny things that happened were:
- Liz going through a red light cause she thought the sign "stop ahead" meant "stop then go ahead".
- Erin not seeing the huge lite up "Subway" sign on the only building in sight "Where is the subway? where?"
- We got a little lost.... the road signs were really funny though (ex: Fynn)
- Chubby's Gentalmens Club
When we got there Allie had preordered pizza, so we unpacked and walked the two blocks to go pick it up from Davanti's. (something like that) . I was super good, we spent the rest of the time just eating, talking, catching up, and watching 27 Dresses.
On Saturday we woke up to Allie already back from her 12 mile run (holy moly!). We ate breakfast and went for a long walk around St. Paul, we went to the library and we toured the St. Thomas campus. It was fun, we took a lot of cool pictures. We got back and ate lunch, after which we went shopping. Liz got a cute dress for $98 and Erin got a scarf and shoes. We then found a little church for mass at 4:30. It was full of bluehairs all over the place! Then we went back and started getting ready for dinner. We all got dressed up cute and went out with Allie's two roommates to Bonfire. The waiter was really cute and I told Allie to put her number down on the tip line but she wouldn't do it. We then stopped at the cafe attached to the restaurant and bought cheesecake. I got cookies and cream. When we got back we all changed, and started to play an intense game of spoons. Allies two roommates ended up winning. It was a lot of fun and her roommates were super nice.
Sunday we got up at 7 am and were on the road by 8 am. It was a good trip, a really fun time. I really liked St. Paul and can see myself living there someday. I hope to visit Allie again soon, maybe next time we can go to the Mall of America!
We left Friday at 3:45 and arrived there at about 9 ish. On the way there a few funny things that happened were:
- Liz going through a red light cause she thought the sign "stop ahead" meant "stop then go ahead".
- Erin not seeing the huge lite up "Subway" sign on the only building in sight "Where is the subway? where?"
- We got a little lost.... the road signs were really funny though (ex: Fynn)
- Chubby's Gentalmens Club
When we got there Allie had preordered pizza, so we unpacked and walked the two blocks to go pick it up from Davanti's. (something like that) . I was super good, we spent the rest of the time just eating, talking, catching up, and watching 27 Dresses.
On Saturday we woke up to Allie already back from her 12 mile run (holy moly!). We ate breakfast and went for a long walk around St. Paul, we went to the library and we toured the St. Thomas campus. It was fun, we took a lot of cool pictures. We got back and ate lunch, after which we went shopping. Liz got a cute dress for $98 and Erin got a scarf and shoes. We then found a little church for mass at 4:30. It was full of bluehairs all over the place! Then we went back and started getting ready for dinner. We all got dressed up cute and went out with Allie's two roommates to Bonfire. The waiter was really cute and I told Allie to put her number down on the tip line but she wouldn't do it. We then stopped at the cafe attached to the restaurant and bought cheesecake. I got cookies and cream. When we got back we all changed, and started to play an intense game of spoons. Allies two roommates ended up winning. It was a lot of fun and her roommates were super nice.
Sunday we got up at 7 am and were on the road by 8 am. It was a good trip, a really fun time. I really liked St. Paul and can see myself living there someday. I hope to visit Allie again soon, maybe next time we can go to the Mall of America!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Summertime
Summer has been keeping me away from my blog lately, I apologize. Here is what has been going on....
- Jamie and I went through the worst fight of our relationship and survived it. I was so stressed I lost my voice for 5 days. But it's over, we're fine now. :-)
- My hair is getting blonder by the day.......... great. I'm not sure what to do with it anymore. Suggestions???
- I still haven't heard back from UWGB on if I got accepted and it's killing me. I HATE not knowing the future.
- I had an interview with Bed Bath and Beyond and they basically offered me the job, they just need to check my references. I start the week of the 20th! :-D
- I went to my Uncle Gary's cottage for 2 days this past weekend. IT WAS SO FUN! I got to ride the jetski ( a great stress reliever), play with baby Jessica and Lindsey and Kyle, eat amazing food, have a few drinks... it was the vacation I needed.
- I went to Chicago for a day and a half to see Jamie. We went to Taste of Chicago and had some perogies, there were good but a little too small. We ordered Chinese and watched Batman that night. Then the next day we went to the Field Museum and saw the pirate exhibt. It was pretty cool, we got to touch the only pirate gold ever found. I just wish it was more hands on. Overall, it was a really good trip, it was nice to see him.
- I've been seeing friends here and there. I went to the pamperin park with bins. I went shopping with liz and got a REALLY cute purple dress for the wedding (JC Pennys, 50% off!) Peter and I road our bikes to the library and got new library cards. We got them for free cause we've had them for so long. It was nice. I got the book "A Room With A View" and I can't wait to start reading it.
- I am leaving in a few hours for Minnesota. I am carpooling there with Liz, Erin Blaney, and Sara Moore. We are going to visit Allie till Sunday, I've never been to Minnesota before so I'm really excited! :-) I'll let you know how it goes when I get back!
- Jamie and I went through the worst fight of our relationship and survived it. I was so stressed I lost my voice for 5 days. But it's over, we're fine now. :-)
- My hair is getting blonder by the day.......... great. I'm not sure what to do with it anymore. Suggestions???
- I still haven't heard back from UWGB on if I got accepted and it's killing me. I HATE not knowing the future.
- I had an interview with Bed Bath and Beyond and they basically offered me the job, they just need to check my references. I start the week of the 20th! :-D
- I went to my Uncle Gary's cottage for 2 days this past weekend. IT WAS SO FUN! I got to ride the jetski ( a great stress reliever), play with baby Jessica and Lindsey and Kyle, eat amazing food, have a few drinks... it was the vacation I needed.
- I went to Chicago for a day and a half to see Jamie. We went to Taste of Chicago and had some perogies, there were good but a little too small. We ordered Chinese and watched Batman that night. Then the next day we went to the Field Museum and saw the pirate exhibt. It was pretty cool, we got to touch the only pirate gold ever found. I just wish it was more hands on. Overall, it was a really good trip, it was nice to see him.
- I've been seeing friends here and there. I went to the pamperin park with bins. I went shopping with liz and got a REALLY cute purple dress for the wedding (JC Pennys, 50% off!) Peter and I road our bikes to the library and got new library cards. We got them for free cause we've had them for so long. It was nice. I got the book "A Room With A View" and I can't wait to start reading it.
- I am leaving in a few hours for Minnesota. I am carpooling there with Liz, Erin Blaney, and Sara Moore. We are going to visit Allie till Sunday, I've never been to Minnesota before so I'm really excited! :-) I'll let you know how it goes when I get back!
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