Let's just get through this.

When did this all happen?
I thought we were so in love...
I guess I did get caught up in everything. I was constantly worrying about the future, but I didn't mean to get it in your head.
Now you are the one worrying, and I'm the one going "Slow down, lets just take this in little chunks"
I see people break up around me and I just can't believe that is might actually happen to me again.
I would be broken. again.
That's the part that would piss me off, is that we've been here before, I let you back in and it happened again.
You say I'm beautiful, fun, caring, you can see me as your wife eventually. But the thought that I could actually be the one person you spend your life with freaks you out. You think you are too young to be in such a serious relationship. Then why did you start it if you knew you couldn't finish it? You want to get married later which is fine with me... I just think you need to be ok with commitment for once.
The part that bugs me is that there is nothing I can do.
You tell me its you. You have to figure it out in your head.
So I'm just sitting here waiting for you to come around, hoping I'm worth the distance and the wait.
The distance isn't permanent, I hope you can see that. I want you to have fun your senior year too ya know? I want to enhance your life, not hold you back.
And as for the job thing, I already told you I would follow you, my career is more versatile.
I've just been thanking God for everyday I have with you, and praying that he'll guild you back.
I already lost you once, i don't know if I could handle loosing you again.
We are SO compatible.
I think you'd be making a huge mistake.
We just have to keep working and get through this... that's what the good strong couples do.
I love you, and I know you love me.
Let's just get through this.

Last week or so in a nut shell

I can't believe how old I am getting.

It's really starting to hit me lately because it's started.
That period of life when all you're friends start getting engaged and married, yep it started.
My good friend from Chicago got engaged a few months ago, getting married next summer! (so excited! :-D )
And people I am not really friends with anymore, but still facebook friends with, are getting engaged all over the place!
When I talk to my friends who are in a serious relationship right now, some of them tell me that they plan on getting married in 2 or 3 years...
And the whole marriage thing is constantly on my mind.
Partially because I cannot go on the internet (mainly facebook) without an add for engagement rings, or wedding dresses, or new moms. The other part is because I am a bridal consultant at work. So whenever I work I am working with newly engaged couples, helping them plan and basically helping them put there entire married life together.
When I see some of my girl friends the question is usually asked "So when is the wedding?"... and a few years ago it was a joke, but now it's become semi-serious..
When I am bored I find myself looking at wedding ideas, looking at dresses, or rings, or flowers, or reception places... everything.

And this kinda scares me. It scares me because I will admit deep deep down my heart wants to get married.
In my heart I know that I want to get married because:
1. I am in love with a great guy I can see myself spending the rest of my life with
2. I don't get to see him often and I know if we got married I would get to live with him, our relationship would just blossom
3. The whole concept of living with him and eventually raising kids with him is just so exciting to me, I think we'd make some awesome parents
4. I love to entertain and marriage is the biggest celebration of my life
5. The petty part of me is excited to register, to buy a house and to fill it with all the stuff that is ours, to make our house our home

But then my head catches up with my heart and I know I cannot get married now because:
1. He's not ready, give him some time. lol
2. We both need our degrees first
3. We need stable jobs because...
4. Stuff outside the wedding is expensive (rings, honeymoon - want to go to Italy. haha)
5. WEDDINGS ARE HELLA EXPENSIVE ( I am in debt, still living with my parents. Need to be financially independent first)

I just have wait. And waiting is fine, I have the rest of my life to be married. lol