Jobs, class, chi visit, life in general

It's been a super long time since I've written anything, but i didn't really know what to write.

I am in Green Bay right now and am actually quite content with my life at this point. I am on my final day of spring break, and am kinda disappointed with the lack of things I actually got done. O well.

To sum up this year so far, on new years day charlie accidentally hit me in the eye with a nerf gun, it immediately bled over and I had to go to the ER. I spent 2 weeks on bedrest, and 2 months on 3 different drops 4 times a day. Charlie felt terrible and was there waiting on me hand and foot till he had to go back to school. One of the drops was a steriod which lowered my immune system. I got a bad sinus infection that lasted a month untill I was done with my drops.
BUT on March 1st I was offically BACK TO NORMAL. I feel like I can finally begin my 2010.


Yesterday I got to see Sarah and Biv for the first time in over a year! So much as changed with all of us. Biv has a boyfriend, and both of them are the cutest ginger couple ever, I'm so happy for her! Tippy is engaged to get married to Chelsea! I'm so happy for them, they seem to get a long amazingly. Their personalities just click.
I went into roosevelt. I went up to the 9th floor and just looked around, everyone was on break so no one was there. I went to the lounge and just sat for a moment. I walked past Frazes door to what used to be Mrs. Norman's door. idk if it still is hers or not cause it just said "Studio" on the side, but I put my hand up to it, and just leaned my head against it. I miss it so much it kills me. I left a little postit note on the music ed board by frazes office, it's just a small little thing to know I was there.

On a random note, It had been the first time I had seen Biv and Tippy since I broke up with Jamie, so I finally got to explain to them both what really happened. And I can't believe after all this time it still bothers me, it bugs me how I handled the whole thing. And it bugs me to know that he has said some nasty things about me, but part of me understands why. I handled it horribly. I should've been more honest with him when I started to have doubts months before I broke up with him. Yesterday I was worried that when I was in chicago we were going to run into him. Part of me wishes we would've, just because then I could've said "I'm sorry" to his face. Maybe he could've seen in my eyes that I mean it.
I can't change the past, I can only learn from it. I really firmly believe there are two other people better made for us, and I hope he finds that person and is happy. I wish I would've been more honest with him, and I wish I could tell him that after I broke up with him I started having feelings for charlie. I know even if I did he wouldn't believe me, but it's the truth.

So I'm letting go.
I've apologized so many times, I just can't feel bad anymore.
I'm so happy right now and I think I've found someone who really fits me, my faith, my family, my life.
I'm in a long distance relationship, and sure we disagree on somethings, but the fundamentals are there. And we may be obnoxious when we are together, but it's cause the absence makes the heart grow fonder. We don't bicker, we don't fight.
We love.
We talked last night about a timeline, and honestly I don't really want to have one, whenever we feel like getting married we will. It's not a race.
I look at my parents, and I don't want to go through a divorce because of them. My mom is starting to date again and I am all mixed up about it. Good for her, but i don't want him to think he'll ever be my dad. And I don't want him to think that when I have kids someday that he'll be their grandpa. That's just not how it works. My Dad, whose been laid off since the beginning of the year, finally god a job! He is head matience guy for all 12 of the pioneer credit union locations! Comes with insurance, salary, all that stuff. He starts monday!
Charlie got a job in Wisconsin Dells this summer, and will be working 70 hour weeks. I'm very happy and proud of him, I wanted him to stay in WI and he got it! But it's going to be very hard to find time to keep this relationship going. I just have to hang on to the hope that maybe a few years from now we won't need to live hours apart. And we won't have to call each other to talk to each other, or skype to see each others faces.
For Valentines Day he didn't get me anything extravagant, but it was perfect all the same. he got me a frame. It says "Charlie & Amanda" with a picture of us at the Packer/Seahawks game we went to this past season. In the corner is this quote "Even though you are one day further from the last time you saw me, you are one day closer to the next time you will"
It's perfect cause when I miss him, I read it and know it'll be ok.

Classes are going good, not failing anything which is good. I have a lot more solo opportunity here. I had the soprano solo in the big christmas concert this past december, and I got the lead in the Opera as well this semester. I'm really excited about it because for the first time since high school I get to act and sing and dance!!! :-D
I signed up for 2 summer classes and am hoping for a job in the bookstore this summer. It'd be nice to work on campass and now waste so much gas. Plus I'll be able to meet more people, and just be more involved in general.

I'm frustrated with my job at BB&B right now. When I asked to cut down hours they gave me shit for it. I only asked for 8 - 10 hours a week, they give me 10 - 12. I can't switch with anyone very well cause they have to be bridal consultants. I get paid minimum wage, didn't even get a raise when I was bridal certified. It's sucks cause I like the actual job (working with people) but the pay and the gas to get there just doesn't make it worth while.

I got a real job this semester, I am a show choir director at Aldo Leopold Middle School. It's not quite what I expected. We had a competition a few weeks ago and we did good! They got good feedback (she got picky which means all the fundamentals were there). They had fun. But now they are getting frustrated. They want to do good, but don't want to do the work to get there. I am constantly hearing "I don't wanna" or "I can't do it". It's hard to find the line between something to easy and they get bored, or something to hard they just give up on. I try to keep them motivated, but it's hard when 4/5 of the kids are either ADHD or OCD, and then 3/5 had family issues at home. They fight, not quite as bad as before but it still happens. They get emotional as middle school girls do, and they tend to blow up. We have off this week cause of spring break which is good, I need a week to get my thoughts together and figure out a way to motivate them again.

So yea, overall I am doing pretty good. Happy with school, boy, and most of the time my jobs. Hoping everything will work out this summer.


I promise I'll keep you more updated this time. :-)